last night’s mascara by Griff

By Korie Houston

When we think of relationships, we tend to think of having that special person or persons to share the beautiful moments life has to offer. To support you when things get a little rough and you need someone to hold you tender. Do we condition people to believe that love conquers all? What about the moments where it is not you and them against the world; it is you against each other?

Flipping to the other side of the record, welcome to b-side. I recently fell in love with a track by up-and-coming artist Griff. This stunning synth-pop track stung me like a bee. The song starts off low and grows into an intense chorus about heartbreak. The song addresses how sometimes you are better off after a relationship ends, even if you could not see the advantages when the breakup was still so fresh and raw. 

“Yeah, last night’s mascara’s such a wonderful thing. It’s as dark as my heart, yet it’s sparkling.” 

For the better part of my twenties, I was someone’s partner. People could look at us and think “they seem happy.” But some incredible lows full of sadness and tears followed the highs. This track took me back to some of those moments where I had to dig deep to understand the parts of our relationship that led to anger and the parts where I felt voiceless or unheard. This track reminds me of the times I asked myself if the relationship was worth the effort or if it was what I wanted.

I have been single for two years and it has been a time for reflection and growth about who I was then and who I am now. Outside of all of the pain that has plagued me, there has been so much beauty inside of the madness. Griff’s song is written like a road to self acceptance, describing how you can move forward from those low moments to something shining and new in the distance.

I continue to ask myself these same questions in different ways when putting myself back out there to date again. I tell myself that I navigated my hurt and I learned from the experiences. But I also realize that I sometimes allow repetitive patterns from my past to shape my present. “last night’s mascara” can be a metaphor for the tears we shed knowing that we are ready to stop settling for less. It can be difficult to stop giving people the benefit of the doubt when we are young. But how many times can we use the excuse that we do not have the perfect role models for love? Why do we repeat these patterns? Ask yourself, did this person treat you the way you deserved?

“I’m rubbing it off like it’s a memory of you.” 

This lyric hits me like a whiplash, triggering memories where tears would not stop out of moments of sadness or joy. There is the acknowledgement that something is ending but maybe it is for the best. I think about the negative situationships, about the friendships that were not real, and about the relationships that felt earth-shattering. When those interpersonal connections end, the memories do not just disappear into the ether. Instead, the memories remind us that we can decide whether the patterns should continue to define us.

In this song, Griff guides my thoughts about what I need to do to tear down the walls that I put up in the face of heartbreak. My self-worth has always been defined by others and I let their  narratives about me bleed into areas of my life that it should not. 

“Wake up in the morning, oh would you look at me now?” 

A repetitive lyric in the song defiantly explains that we can stand up and still be alright despite everything that happened in the relationship. To the people who took my time for granted or to the friendships that did not last, I only wish that you receive what you deserve. We are all trying to get through life even if the pursuit of our own happiness hurts people on the way to get there. 

“Oh, oh, and Sunday morning, got me looking crazy. I’m on my knees at the altar, baby. Asking God to wash you from my soul, oh, oh.” 

Life is too short for us to be on this journey with the people who are wrong for us. So, would you look at me now?