Different Lives by Fly By Midnight
By Korie Houston
“Saw myself two years ago, and I was someone else
Back then I loved just like a carousel
So many faces going in and out”
Do you ever look back on the what ifs of life? As the summer is coming to an end, I’m reminiscing about it all. I got to spend an incredible birthday in Seattle for my thirty-first trip around the sun. Enter Fly By Midnight’s song “Different Lives” from their album Fictional Illustrations. It’s a few years old now, but this body of work is all about the complex and idealized love stories we build up in our heads. The kind of music that reminds me of painting an image of the world around me. What partially prompted this piece was running into my ex in The Emerald City. At one point, Seattle was where we were going to spend our lives together. To think how long ago that feels like. And the different paths we’ve taken. This isn’t about him, but it made me wonder, where would I be if the trajectory of my life hadn’t altered?
“Feels like I’m running from my reputation every night
‘Cause I’ve lived different lives,
Before you ever made me feel alive.”
As an ode to myself and everything I’ve been through, I owe it to my past self to acknowledge the huge strides I’ve made no matter how many curve balls life has thrown at me in recent years. Although the lyrics lend themselves to changing for someone else, I’ve changed for me. A carefully curated life in San Diego and the truth is I’m a mess, like everyone else. I don’t have it all figured out. It takes hitting the ground a little hard to remind myself I’m alive.
“I haven’t felt this fucking terrified,
Before you, those were different times,
You’re not the one, I was at 25, drunk and high.
Those are all the lives I left behind, for you.”
In the last four years, I’ve rebuilt my life from scratch and picked up a lot of broken pieces and created a new work of art. I found my voice through my writing, I learned how to stop dwelling on what’s gone wrong and just to pivot. As I recently was laid off from my full time job I’ve held for seven years, it’s like going through a breakup all over again. But I’m content to start over where I need to. Those are some of the lives I’ve left behind. This song reminds me of the maturity it means to have to start growing beyond the pains we hold.
“Few years ahead, it’s only you around
Hopped off the wave that kept me watered down
And left the old me in a different town
Somewhere it can’t be found”
I can look back on many pivotal moments in my life that have propelled me to each and every next step. I’m not living my dreams necessarily but parts of it can create a whole. There’s a version of me that exists for some that no longer exists for me. I’m older, maybe a little crazier, but I’m happy to be alive and figuring out each puzzle piece. I resonated with this song over the years I’ve listened to it as it helped me embrace change.
“Those are all the lives I left behind, left behind for you”
Life can change in an instant and no one is immune to it. Tomorrow I could decide to pack it all up, pick a spot on a map and start over. We could be struck by proverbial or literal lightning and in a flash be gone. But within our lifetimes there are few things guaranteed. I’ve left behind so much of my past to embrace a future I’m still choosing for myself.