More by Carly Rae Jepsen
By Korie Houston
Coming down from the high of two weeks in Europe, I keep replaying the moments that held me there: the music and lights of Club Sisyphos in Berlin and the crystal-clear waters of Kalypso Beach in Crete. Stepping off the plane at 30, single and open to life, I knew I was letting go of old stories and ready to write new ones. As scared as I am to just let go, I keep looking for more.
“I’m afraid of the movies. It’s not the start. It’s the happy ending.”
Carly Rae Jepsen’s E•MO•TION (and its extended Side B) has been one of my favorite albums for years. Its synth-pop tracks have always made me think about my own love stories, the good and the messy. It even helped inspire the name of this column when I first started writing. Music has always done that for me, helping me heal and helping me feel. So what does it mean to be afraid of the movies? Maybe it is just knowing that happy endings do not always show up.
“I can see us burning down the horizon. Dancing on the tip of the iceberg.”
There is a danger in falling, but there is a wonder too. That chaos can be intoxicating, even when it probably should not be. “More” lives in that space. I have been there a lot, wanting more, believing in it, only to watch it fall short. I think about the times I have leaned in too close, convinced a relationship or connection meant something solid, only to find myself standing on thin ice. In my thirties, I want to stop waiting for someone else to go first. I want to say what I feel when I feel it. For too long, I have taken the safer risks.
“All the lives that I could’ve tried, why are you on my mind?”
That line stuck with me. Do we ever really move on or do old feelings just linger? In Berlin, I ran into a friend who left San Diego partly because he did not think he would find a partner here. His honesty stayed with me. The wondering is the fear. When does a moment sit still and when does it shift? For me, “More” is about taking the chance before fear convinces you not to.
“In another life… feels like you were mine, does it make it right?”
Listening back, I hear all the ways we hold ourselves back from what we want. Wanting someone is not the same as having them. Carrying one-sided feelings too long does not lift you up; it wears you down. And yet I understand the ache in those words. The imagining of what could have been if timing, distance, or fear had not gotten in the way. But as my holiday abroad ends, I carry something different: the spark of new friendships, the deepening of old bonds, and the reminder that hope is still out there. Not just in the life I have built, but in staying open to whoever might be next.
“Always had the feeling that there might be somethingmore.”
“More” reminds me it is okay to want differently, to expect more, and to want love that feels right. Fear will always be part of the story, but it does not have to keep me still. Even the smallest risks, a word, a step, or a reach, are progress. And maybe that is what falling in love really is: asking for more.