Healthy Ways to Relieve Stress as a Family

By Brittany Berger

Ideas on How to Practice Self-Care Without a Financial Burden

A common theme among parent friends lately is STRESS! I am the kind of friend who tends to be approachable when friends have problems, and almost every friend who has needed a listening ear lately asked me how I am always so calm and how I manage to handle stress so well. The truth is that I have not always been this way, and it has taken more than a decade of parenting to figure it out. Additionally, I have a very high-stress job and if I didn’t have tools to de-stress, then parenting would be nearly impossible.

Currently the world is facing extreme issues that are being magnified by social media and illuminated by news networks. The political uncertainty of our own country directly impacts the countries that rely on us as well as our own morale. The financial insecurity that so many people are facing with rising costs of everything from fuel to housing brings fear and erosion to our moods. Climate change has drastically impacted every person we know whether they believe in it or not. 

The worst part is that our kids are growing up too fast with so much access to knowledge about these stressors than ever before. There is less space to be carefree as a kid anymore and if us parents don’t have the skills to de-stress, then we can’t help our kids with this as well. We need strategies to target stress together as families, and on our own.

So, what do I do to stay calm and manage stress in my own life, and how am I modeling this for my kids? I will say first that I am not an expert, and we are all individuals with our own unique stressors and needs, but as a homebirth midwife I also get the opportunity to see how different families make things work and support them during stressful and transitional times of their lives which does give me some insight. So, I hope that this article, at the very least, sparks a conversation in your home to begin to recognize and reduce stress. 

I have a very holistic approach to stress management, but every person starts somewhere on their journey. It begins with a change in mindset, which is actually decision that has to be made to make this a priority. Prioritizing your stress reduction is the only way to make a long-lasting effort that will create a buffer zone between any new stressors that arise and yourself. You cannot have priorities with boundaries! Boundaries generate safety for everyone. Side-note soapbox: If you are having trouble creating boundaries safely in your life due to toxic relationships then please seek help from a licensed counselor. Our kids need us to model boundaries and we need to have boundaries with them too! Lacking boundaries is not empathy so never let someone make you feel bad for placing a boundary.

We need to create boundaries with ourselves too! For example, ditch social media when the kids are around so that your focus is with them and you are not being fed propaganda and the like when you really need to be present, and they don’t need to hear the videos you’re watching – let’s be real. If watching the news in the morning gets you riled up before you even start your day – boundary, turn it off for a few days and see what it’s like without it. I promise you, if there is seriously something urgent going on in the world you are not going to miss out just because you skipped the news or your social media. I have a boundary/rule in my family that we are not allowed to be on phones at the dinner table or in bed and all electronics are off by 8pm – exceptions only occur when preplanned such as family movie night, or when my high schooler has heavy homework nights. 

Another step is to Get Involved! If you are passionate about something and it is causing you grief, what better way to be a role model for your children then to take action! Join a counsel, start a fundraiser, support a campaign you believe in, or donate time or money to organizations that you want to support. Research shows that involvement in something bigger than yourself improves hopelessness and guilt. Better yet, involve the kids! My kids have all volunteered with me at different events and fundraisers. My twins have been volunteering with the local Parks and Recreation for nearly three years doing cleanup, improving natural habitats, and removing invasive plants in parks and sometimes the entire family joins their crew. 

Work towards holistic health that includes exercise, healthy eating, and self-care. Exercise is incredibly important – we all know this. My perspective is that epigenetically, we have this paleolithic brain that stems from ancestors who had to work hard to get food, were preyed upon by larger animals, and were in a constant state of stress. We no longer live in an environment that requires constant fight, flight, freeze mode in our brains, and we can’t actually help it. However, we can train for it, in a way. We have to recognize that there is “good” stress and “bad” stress. Good stress is achieving a fitness goal such as completing a 10-mile hike with your family and pushing your body to its limits. This is what our brains are wired to do! Not binge eating on the couch because the world is exhausting. 

Healthy eating is incredibly hard in today’s world. The majority of available and affordable food is processed and packaged, even if the label claims it’s healthy. We need whole foods in our diet and the majority of the food we eat should be prepared at home. I know firsthand how hard it is to be a busy parent having four kids and a career and it took me a long time to see the benefits of food prep. I stopped shopping in the center aisles of the grocery store, now I only shop in the outer areas: meat, produce, dairy. I do buy bulk ingredients from Costco about every two months. Food prepping can be anything from creating homemade freezer meals, to customized salad kits, to having cut up produce ready to go and pre-marinating your meat or plant-based protein. This saves money, saves time, reduces mental load, reduces food waste, reduces clean up on busy days, and improves your overall health. I will say when I first started meal prepping, it took me four hours in the kitchen, and I almost gave up. However, by making it a family priority and getting my kids involved I can meal prep for 4 days in just one hour! 

All of these things I have described are technically self-care. Over the years I have come to realize that self-care should be free, it isn’t the consumer “needs” like pedicures and massages. Those things are nice, but true self-care comes from self-compassion and prioritizing physical and mental wellbeing. Ignoring your needs isn’t strength and no amount of external validation can replace self-love. We need to model this for our children in an actionable way. Our children are stressed out in this world too, we must model what true self-care is and make it a priority. I encourage parents to talk to your children about changes you intend to make to reduce stress and anxiety in your family. Also, kids are incredibly smart and intuitive, and they will likely impress you with their ideas and they hopefully will feel like they can approach you when they are feeling stress or anxiety so that you can guide them through it.