Gary Jaffe’s Before I Do Celebrates Love, Friendship, and Second Chances
By Cesar A Reyes
Before Before I Do ever became a screenplay, it began with a question that many people quietly ask themselves: What if the life I’ve built isn’t the one I’m meant to live? That deeply personal question inspired writer and director Gary Jaffe’s feature debut, a romantic comedy that explores love, friendship, and the courage to embrace unexpected second chances. Premiering at this year’s FilmOut San Diego LGBTQ Film Festival, Before I Do is funny, heartfelt, and refreshingly honest, telling a queer love story that looks beyond coming out and instead focuses on the realities of adulthood, lasting friendships, and discovering that it’s never too late to change course.
The story grew from Jaffe’s own experiences. Several years ago, he and one of his closest friends from college found themselves facing very different turning points in their lives and relationships. Those moments became the emotional seeds for the film’s central characters, John Michael and Alex. Rather than simply recreating real life, Jaffe imagined the two as former lovers whose unexpected reunion forces them to question everything they thought they wanted.
“I took seeds from those transformative periods and created John, Michael, and Alex,” Jaffe says. “But I’m always going to write a love story, so I bound them together as a once and maybe future romance.” Through their journey, he wanted to capture the uncertainty many queer millennials experience as they enter their 30s: Is this it? Is this what I deserve? Did I miss something along the way? Could a more fulfilling life still be waiting? “And amidst this existential angst, I wanted it to be very fun,” he adds.
That balance of humor and heart comes alive through an ensemble cast that includes Cole Doman, Michael Hsu Rosen, Nico Greetham, Robin de Jesús, and Jared Reinfeldt. For Jaffe, finding actors who genuinely connected with one another was essential because the friendships on screen had to feel lived-in and authentic.
“Chemistry was everything,” he says. Working with casting director Henry Russell Bergstein, they searched for performers who could bring honesty and vulnerability to every scene. Some actors already knew one another before filming began, while others met for the first time during rehearsals in Brooklyn. “Some queer cinema magic happened,” Jaffe recalls. “It was like they’d known each other forever. You feel that on screen in every shot.”
What makes Before I Do especially refreshing is its refusal to center its story on trauma or coming out. While those experiences are acknowledged, they are intentionally left behind as the characters navigate the more complicated questions that come later in life.
“Closet and trauma narratives will always be important to queer stories,” Jaffe says, “but there is so much more to our lives that arrives in the decades after.” His characters have been comfortably out for years, allowing the film to explore what happens when the biggest challenge isn’t acceptance but figuring out what kind of life will truly make you happy. “What if our conflicts came not from the closet nor from internalized homophobia, but instead from the privilege of asking what we really want for our queer lives?”
For Jaffe, bringing Before I Do to FilmOut San Diego is especially meaningful because the film is so personal. He wrote the screenplay while planning his wedding to his husband, Jason, filmed at his grandmother’s beloved cabin in Massachusetts, and leaned on friendships that have sustained him for decades. The project also became a tribute to his mother, Leslie, who read every draft of the screenplay before passing away shortly after production wrapped.
“Before I Do was made with love; I gave it my whole heart,” Jaffe says. “I hope FilmOut’s amazing audiences in San Diego feel the love radiating from Before I Do. I hope it nurtures and delights you as it has delighted me.”
With its warmth, humor, and emotional honesty, Before I Do reminds us that life’s greatest love stories aren’t always about finding someone new. Sometimes they’re about rediscovering yourself, trusting your heart, and believing that the future can still surprise you.